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An Andrew's burger, with wine

AROUND 5 PM ON A WARM MELBOURNE DAY (JANUARY EXCLUDED)

Tubbymistress is comfortably seated in a car, en route to her apartment. The sun is shining, and radio talk show hosts are filling her ears with jibberish. Her stomach is empty.

TUBBYMISTRESS: I think I want a burger tonight …

The lot

After clamping your mouth around one of these burgers, you will be hard-pressed to find another that can work its magic in quite the same way.

Andrew’s has been reviewed as your traditional hamburger shop, a hark back to the good ol’ days before calories were counted, avocado was spotted in a burger and Lady Gaga was born. Sure, the teeny shop that houses this production line of burger love looks old-school, but you won’t find a dodgy hamburger here. You’ll find something that Just. Tastes. Good.

Because I’m trying to be Skinnymasu, I like to order a ‘plain with tomato’ burger, plus a serve of chips that comfortably feeds two. ‘Plain with pineapple and beetroot’ is also adored. One summer evening, two food-loving female friends fronted up against ‘The Lot’, but were brave in defeat. (Mr Tubbymaster was happy to sweep up.)

There are other fast food delicacies at Andrew’s, but it’s obvious what the main attraction is. While the burgers taste this good, I’m happy to oblige.

Plain with 'pineapple and beetroot'