Tom Phat

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Category: Asian, Dinner, Lunch, breakfast

Tom Phat's tempeh curry

Tom Phat's tempeh curry

ONE EVENING, RIGHT BEFORE DAYLIGHT SAVINGS STRUCK A MUCH-NEEDED MATCHSTICK OVER MELBOURNE

Tubbymistress is walking down Sydney Road, in search of friends and food. On her hit list is Tom Phat – not an obese nor ‘fully sick’ man named Tom but a funky Thai-style restaurant firmly on the radar of her friend, Miette.

It’s cold, and she clutches her straw-coloured handbag even tighter as she scours the buildings for street numbers. As soon she sees Tom Phat, she scurries inside, relieved to be off the street and minutes closer to being fed.

Tom Phat
184 Sydney Rd
Brunswick VIC
www.tomphat.com.au

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It’s time for Seven:am

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Category: Bayside, Lunch, breakfast

The 'swimming pool' bowl of latte, ready for your attention at Seven:am.

The 'swimming pool' bowl of latte at Seven:am, guaranteed to dezombify

7.00 AM ON A SATURDAY MORNING

Tubbymistress is sitting cross-legged on her bed, bleary-eyed, the morning light and a disobedient body clock ending all hope of a rare sleep-in. She sleepily pushes her Justin Bieber-esque fringe out of her eyes and stares at the bedroom door, fully aware that Tubbymaster and an early morning jog are lying in wait on the other side.

The door opens, and Tubbymaster steps into the room, looking as tired as Tubbymistress feels.

TUBBYMASTER: Coffee?

Seven:am
155 Bay St, Port Melbourne VIC
http://www.sevenam.com.au
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The lustrous Pearl Café

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Category: Inner East, Lunch, breakfast

ONCE IN A BLUE MOON

Tubbymistress is standing next to her car, opposite the food temple known as Pearl Restaurant. For once, she is early for a breakfast rendezvous with friend Cyril, although something is rotten in the state of Denmark.  She takes off her sunglasses and strides across the road for a closer look at the restaurant, which is cloaked in darkness on a sunny Saturday morning.

She picks up her phone and dials Cyril’s number.

TUBBYMISTRESS: Pearl is closed! Where are you?
CYRIL: About five minutes away. Are you sure it’s closed? Are you at the café?
TUBBYMISTRESS: The café? What, we’re not having breakfast in the restaurant?
CYRIL: No. The café is a couple of blocks down the road, toward Swan St.

Tubbymistress looks down at her sky-blue Leona Edmiston heels, and sighs.

Pearl Café
Church St, Richmond VIC
http://www.pearlrestaurant.com.au/cafe-pearl-2

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Eh? Aix.

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Category: CBD, French, Monday to Saturday, breakfast

The Peking duck crepe, sliced through the gut and ready to go (foreground); meatball baguette (background); mandarin and blood orange blend

(from bottom) Peking duck crepe, sliced through the gut and ready to go; meatball baguette; mandarin and blood orange blend

 A RANDOM SATURDAY MORNING

Tubbymistress gazes longingly at a pair of blue and mustard candy-striped heels in the window at Kinki Gerlinki, a fashion oasis amongst the plethora of eateries in Melbourne’s Centre Place.

TUBBYMISTRESS: I want those shoes.

There’s only one thing that can save the credit card now.

Aix Café Creperie Salon
24 Centre Place, Melbourne VIC

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Noisette: Not French for ‘noisy girl’

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Category: French, Lunch, breakfast

Noisette's rendition of an Easter classic: the hot cross bun

Noisette's rendition of an Easter classic: the hot cross bun

Let’s face it: one of the best things about Easter is eating. One of the best things about Easter-time eating is a bun that’s fruit-spiced and branded with a white cross.

Noisette – boulangerie | patisserie | chocolaterie
84 Bay St, Port Melbourne VIC

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Cafe Vue cocktail night

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Category: CBD, Dinner, French, Lunch, breakfast

If only I’d discovered this earlier. Last chance: 7 pm on 26 March!
$75 per person.

Cafe Vue Cocktail night
‘Friday night at the movies’
430 Lt Collins St, Melbourne VIC
http://www.vuedemonde.com.au/

The Victorian

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Category: Bayside, Dinner, Lunch, Modern Australian, Small plates, breakfast

The Big Vic, in all its glory

The Big Vic, in all its glory

EARLY ON A SATURDAY MORNING
It’s a calm, crisp Melbourne morning. Tubbymistress is ‘jogging’ along the beach, her ragged breathing punctuating the sound of children laughing and women talking on their iPhones. The bay is a serene shade of blue, its waves too sleepy to cause more than a ripple. Suddenly, a beacon of light looms up ahead.

The Victorian
123 Beaconsfield Parade (corner Kerford Rd)
Albert Park VIC

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Fairfield Boathouse

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Category: Australian, Lunch, breakfast

Fairfield Boathouse

A land of milk and honey: Fairfield Boathouse, on the banks of the murky Yarra

There’s something very beautiful about this ‘rural’ oasis in a rapidly expanding urban jungle. It’s as if a patch of Melbourne was frozen in time, allowing children to run free in the innocent days when kids could really be kids, before the words ‘Twitter’ and ‘tween’ could ever be found in the Macquarie Dictionary. Fairfield Boathouse plays upon this old-school aesthetic well, advertising its classic array of Australian foodie favourites with a splash of sepia. I found myself craving Devonshire tea and a raspberry spider quicker than you could say ‘bonza’.

Fairfield Park Boathouse and Tea Gardens
Fairfield Park Drive, Fairfield VIC
www.fairfieldboathouse.com

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Il Solito Posto

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Category: CBD, Dinner, Italian, Lunch, breakfast

Feel like pasta? Try Il Solito Posto. Tucked down a laneway off Collins St, this little bistro may look unassuming from the outside, but inside it’s a hub of activity, buzzing with conversation and oozing with charm; its dimly lit, rustic atmosphere the perfect canvas for after-work drinks and a bite to eat.

Il Solito Posto
Basement 113 Collins St (entry on George Pde), Melbourne VIC
www.ilsolitoposto.com.au

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Moulin Noir

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Category: Bayside, Dinner, French, Lunch, Tapas, breakfast

Chocolate tart: Just one of the sweet delights on offer at Moulin Noir

Chocolate tart: one of the sweet delights on offer at Moulin Noir

Moulin Noir, a little French café/restaurant tucked off Bay St, is a great casual dining experience. It’s perfect for lunch, with sandwiches large enough to silence even the most talkative of ladies. As I found out recently, dinner was pretty good too.

Moulin Noir
Rouse St, Port Melbourne

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